Hello,
I am San Yu~
01
In the past, I have always been exploring whether my partner loves me, trying everything to make myself worthy of love, and even making others love me.
This has led to suspicion and pain in my life, resulting in the following reactions.
I would overthink and search for evidence of others loving me in the details.
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I would possess the other person, hoping that they would have more memories with me, and even occupy their memories.
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I would assign special meanings to certain things, and if your actions do not align with these meanings, then you don't love me.
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I would crave intimacy intensely, and when the other person doesn't provide the same level of intimacy, I would feel sad, anxious, and doubtful.
These reactions are similar to having a love brain.
To some extent, everyone seeks their needs from the outside world, and these needs can be categorized as
"I want," "I want, can you give it to me?" and "I want, please give it to me."
My reaction is "I want, please give it to me," and as you know, the more I act this way, the more I push the other person away.
02
In the end, I found the answer to this problem in psychology.
These reactions indicate that I may have traits of anxious attachment, which means a strong desire and fear of establishing intimate relationships with others.
I started analyzing the cause of this problem.
This may be because when I was a child, I had a need for safety and survival, but my parents sometimes provided a lot and sometimes provided very little, which amplified the child's desire for demands. At the same time, as a child, I may have lacked awareness of my own strength and even felt helpless.
I remembered a story from my childhood.
At night, a thief came to our house, and my dad and I were awakened by my mom's words, "Who is going to the bathroom so late at night?".
I saw a dark figure, to be precise, a thief wearing a black suit.
Then, under the yellow streetlight, I saw my dad holding a kitchen knife and running down the street, and the thief was indeed a thief, running really fast.
It was a critical period for my father's career at that time, and they were often away from home, only able to arrive after midnight.
With the previous experience, I started to fear nights without my parents, sudden appearance of thieves, and even being kidnapped.
I lived in a state of safety and danger, survival and destruction.
03
Cutting ties with my past self
"No one is perfect, who can avoid making mistakes? To make mistakes and be able to change is the greatest virtue."
- Accept yourself
These reactions are very normal, and many people have similar problems.
These problems are collective problems, believe me, you are not alone.
The past cannot be changed, the only things that can be changed are your current self and choices.
As long as you are willing, you can choose any attitude to live your life.
- Self-awareness
When you start to overthink, press the pause button and do other things, such as reading or exercising.
This can reduce unnecessary internal conflicts and pain.
- Improve yourself
Focus more on personal growth, make yourself more valuable, and therefore more confident.
When you realize your own value, you won't worry about the other person leaving, thus reducing speculation.
- Starting from this moment
From this moment on, we have cut ties with our past selves.
We can start a brand new life.
It's another beautiful day.
Thank you for meeting me~